By John Glenis

Following a ban on yellow masks during a court hearing, certain people were quick to criticise the move. However, it may just be a fantastic opportunity to build on it, and take the argument a step further. The government is here to safeguard national security and as such, protect us from anything yellow.

It would be reasonable then to assume that bananas pose a direct threat to Chinese sovereignty, especially the ones that have been shamelessly yellow since time immemorial and continue to do so without remorse. Our patriotic government should step in and make arrangements so that ripe yellow bananas never reach unsuspecting consumers: bananas should be sold only when green. Naturally, the same goes for all yellow fruit and vegetables: mangoes, sweet corn, yellow bell peppers and so on.

yellow banana fruits
Photo: Aleksandar Pasaric via

The government should provide clear guidelines as to what food is patriotic and what separatist. Apples, of a bright red colour, should be deemed nationally appropriate. Nevertheless, people had better avoid eating apples daily as this might be considered indirect support for radical journalism. Tomatoes, berries (esp. blueberries) and all fruit and vegetables of a colour that is red or reddish or at the very least not radical should be deemed wholesome and politically edible.

But the argument goes well beyond mere food. Words can be radicalised or promote national terrorism as well. An obvious one would be “yellow” – that has got to go. Then, there are others not so obvious. For example, anyone by the name of Wong poses a national threat, as their name is directly associated with radical yellow. That family name has got to go too.

yellow facemasks FDNOL
Photo: via Carousell.

And what about foreign interference, which is often beyond our patriotic reach? It is honestly inconceivable that an entity of such explosive nature as the Sun has been allowed to cast its yellow rays into peaceful Hong Kong, day after day, without permission from the proper authorities. Understandably, this is one yellow object rather difficult to tame, but once again I am optimistic our ever resourceful government will find a way. To begin with, I humbly suggest installing glass block windows in all our courtrooms, and if the measure proves successful in all government buildings.

It is frightening how much our society has been associated with yellow items and concepts, and I understand the task to completely erase everything yellow may seem a daunting one. But I have trust in our government, as it has been working round the clock to keep us safe and give us a rest.

green bananas

For my part, I try my best to steer clear of anything yellow. And if sunbathing ever becomes an act of sedition, I’ll be the first to give it up. Allow me to start small though: the above photo of my carefully chosen bunch of bananas serves as proof of my own patriotism and loyalty.

John Glenis has been working in Hong Kong as a lecturer for the last ten years. His academic studies focus on linguistics, translation and lexicography. Over the years, he has particularly concentrated on the application of psychology and psycholinguistics in language acquisition and memory enhancement.

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