HONG KONG PEOPLE are being advised to avoid camels. Posters are appearing telling citizens that we should avoid “close contact” with the humped beasts.

Avoid close contact!

(This suggests that casual socializing with camels is fine.)

We should also should make sure our camel meat dinners are “well cooked”, the posters say (see pic.)

Your humble narrator passed at least three posters offering this advice in the Hung Hom area of Tsim Sha Tsui on the morning of writing this.

There’s no address on them, but we suspect they are appearing as part of an anti-MERS operation by PolyU health watchdogs.

It seems like excellent advice, or at least it would be except for the fact that there are no camels in Tsim Sha Tsui. Will you tell them or shall I?

NOW THIS IS weird. A colleague just forwarded me a note from the Hong Kong Monetary Authority: “The HKMA has adopted the CAMEL rating system to assess the financial condition and overall soundness of authorized institutions in Hong Kong.”

Maybe the posters are meant for them?

A READER WHO WOULD rather not be named offered a Hong Kong definition of universal suffrage: “A group of sheep being asked to choose which of three wolves they would like to have put in charge of them.”

HONG KONG PROPERTY tycoon Vincent Lo Hong-suit announced that he is going to build Hong Kong’s biggest shopping centre: two million square feet of shops and offices over five hectares of land.

That’s great, because if there’s one thing that Hong Kong doesn’t have, it’s shops and offices, right?

A GOOD REASON to be happy:  At the time of writing this, no idiot has announced that they were standing for the job of US President for A WHOLE 12 HOURS. Be thankful while you can.

SOMEONE TOLD ME that the new “Mad Max” movie takes place in a crazy, lawless, dangerous, violent, dog-eat-dog world where everyone is out for themselves. So it’s set in Shenzhen?

HILLARY CLINTON HAS come out in support of “marriage equality”. Interesting. I think someone had better tell her that it doesn’t mean what she thinks it means, which is: if a guy gets to be US President, then it’s his wife’s human right to have a go at being US President too.

A NUMBER OF FAKE universities have been found around the world, following the discovery earlier this year of a fake university in Hong Kong.

The one in Hong Kong was selling completely worthless degrees.

(A bit like real universities, really.)

Anyway, it sold the instant degrees on Jack Ma’s ecommerce site. Jack Ma told the media he was deeply shocked.

Poor guy, how was he to know? You pay HK$125 for a university qualification, you assume it’s going to be real, right?

GOING BACK TO the subject of posters, I think this one below speaks for itself.

THIS COLUMNIST IS signing off for now, but would like to remind people: Remember NO CLOSE CONTACT with camels.


Nury Vittachi

Nury Vittachi failed to win the Man Booker Prize this year. He also failed to win the Pulitzer Prize. He hopes to make it a clean sweep by failing to win the Nobel Prize for literature. He does not live on The Peak with 20 cats and a parakeet called Trixy. He is not strange.